Break Up Recovery - Most Essential Things to Do After a Break Up  

by Saju Asokan

 (submitted 2008-08-13)

You having managed to move on with your life somehow doesnt mean that you recovered successfully from the break up. You might end up spending several years hopelessly thinking about your ex and cursing your mistakes. Our target should be the shortest time-span of pain and being able to move on to a happier life than ever before. Following these things in your life can definitely help you in that.

Be strong and courageous:

Being strong doesnt mean being insensitive, non-sentimental or heartless. A person who is strong faces a situation calmly instead of running away from it. If you want to be one of that kind, boldly face the break up situation. Never create unwanted emotional scenes in public. Face the world with a smile even if there is a storm inside.

If you and your ex girlfriend/boyfriend happen to meet after the break up and if the person is childish he/she might perform a variety of show-offs in front of you simply to hurt your ego. There lies a single solution- Ignore. Visualizing your ex as a kid can let you laugh at these petty show offs. If you are lucky enough to have an ex who handles situations in a mature way, your pain will be considerably low during the process of break up recovery.

Ventilate your feelings before you move forward:

Even after your contacts with the person are gone after the break up, there may be one huge load of emotional stuff that you need to ventilate. Since the significant one who used to be always there for you, has already gone and is now the reason for your pain, you have to count on your friends and family for support. Select the best of your friends and ventilate your feelings. Cry if you feel like crying. Laugh if you feel like laughing. Ventilate yourself completely. Make sure that you dont do this in public. Try to make this phase as short as possible, or most likely your friends and family will get bored hearing the same thing again and again.

Stop feeling guilty:

You are not the one who ditched someone. You were the one who got dumped. So you have no reason for being guilty. You might have made a thousand mistakes in the past. The question is whether you were ready to change and correct them. Have you expressed your apology and willingness for change to your ex? If so, your role in the play is totally over. You have done all that you could do. Now the ball is in the other court. Anything that can be done to this relationship can be done only by your ex, since you have already done all that you could do. Remember the temple example. You - the single pillar alone cannot hold the temple from falling.

Never let your self-esteem go down:

Your self-esteem might have to face a serious blow after getting dumped. A thousand questions popping out of nowhere virtually makes you doubt your own self-worth. The break up situation gets worse if your ex simply walked away without even showing concern to explain things- directly, through a phone call or atleast through an email. You might feel like being in the center of a tornado of emotions where your friends, collegues, everyone starts throwing questions at you.

How ever depressing the situation be, never let your self-esteem go down because of this break up. Rely on your true friends and let them know that you need help. Friends can give you enormous support during these times. They can boost your self-esteem, get you engaged and happy. Use this time to do all the things you have always wanted to do.

Go to the gym and pump some iron. It will keep your hormones under check and also gives you a physique you can be proud of. Try on a different hair style, hair colour or what ever you like. Flirt, make friends and go to parties more often. If you are the one who got dumped, you have no reason to feel guilty in doing anything. Truly enjoy every moment of your life.

Gain Inspiration from the fall:

Did you know that love failures can be a very good inspiring force that drives creativity in artists, poets and writers? Even I could write a touching story after my break up and is now working on an elaborate novel. So why cant you do the same? Try expressing your pain through some form of creativity. It gives ventilation to your feelings. Write everything down. Ignore faces for a moment or the pain it would cause to them. Simply put them down on the paper.

You can also make a very strong commitment on your career. You can prove yourself by being successful in front of your unworthy ex who dumped you. Have you not heard the saying that Behind everymans success, there is a woman? (also behind suicides) Why cant you fulfill this proverb in your own way? Turn your love failure into your inspiring force.

Get busy with life:

Dont spend time alone. The best way to avoid this is to develop hobbies. Learn something new - I started learning violin after my breakup. Dont think that you are not in a mood now. Your mood depends on your actions, thoughts and surroundings. You can change the first two. And ofcourse you can get out of the last one - surroundings. Never lock up inside your room. Try to avoid love-related movies and soap serials. (Watch breakup movies or action thrillers instead). Same applies to music.
Travel a lot with friends:

Avoid places you used to visit with your ex. Visit new places with your friends. Look around to see how beautiful, gorgeous and numerous are people of the opposite sex out there. You might have missed an eel, but it doesnt mean that you wont catch a whale

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