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How Do You Know You Have Found a Soulmate?

By Phil Marks | Submitted On February 12, 2010

Have you been lucky enough to have had time with a soulmate? If so, then you probably have your own ideas of what makes a great relationship. You may recognise some of the factors, but maybe you have not put them in a list. What aspects would you include?

What is the point of this you may ask? Well, in today's world of online dating and multiple serial relationships, how do you know when the 'right person' has come along? Women have a better developed sense of intuition than men, but still make mistakes, so intuition is not the be-all and end-all of making good relationship decisions. Yes, there are certain things that each of us looks for in a relationship, and often we make a compromise.

My list of characteristics is based on what I think is important. Your list may differ - you might not even be seeking a soulmate; some guys only seek someone to keep them warm, cook and wash their socks; some ladies are only looking for a cheque book. Anyway, my list, based on several good relationships and one definite soulmate (15 good years) is:

- instinctively thinking about one another at the same moment - phoning up only for the other person to say - oh, I was just thinking of you or just about to phone you;

- having tremendous respect for that person's point of view;

- avoiding 'possessive' language -not referring to them as 'my husband, boyfriend, girlfriend' and so on, but as 'John, Peter, Sandra' for example;

- wanting to be with that person as much as possible

- sharing plans, dreams and hopes for the future;

- providing unconditional emotional support. This can undoubtedly be difficult if one believes that the partner's actions are wrong, but if respect for them is strong then that makes the support easier;

- having the same ideas at the same time. Just coincidence or more? For some people perhaps, but very real if you experience it regularly. Of course, if the challenge of differing perspectives is absent then this can be seen as limiting the development of a relationship. However, on the other hand it does mean that compromise is required less often. Constant compromise by one side only can be corrosive in the long term;

- a core set of shared interests, with each having other interests which bring new aspects and experiences into a relationship. These 'satellite' interests maintain a continual flow of new events into the partnership.

Some people might say that such relationship with these factors is boring, claustrophobic or clingy - and there are plenty of other descriptions.

As I see it, if that is the case, then you are not soulmates. I have had relationships with clingy people, and I know that occasionally I've been perceived as clingy in others. That just means that views and needs are out of balance - so not a soulmate situation. You both need to have the same perception of the relationship.

It doesn't stop you having disagreements, but if solid respect is there then you really accept what the other point of view is (and the basis on which it is founded), although you may disagree.

Those are the key aspects of what (in retrospect) was a soulmate relationship for me. And we are still friends!

More than five years recent experience of online dating with at least 6 agencies, plus experiences and tales from 'snail-mail' dating before the internet - couple this with an analytical mind and you'll get some useful insights and tips on the online dating process. Find out more about the tricks, traps and trials of online dating at eZeeFriends.com

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