Why Doesn't He Call?

By Tonja Weimer | Submitted On December 14, 2007

Lots of women ask, "Why doesn't he call?" You might be surprised at some of the reasons guys give. Are you confused about how to read guys? If you met someone you really liked and he did not respond to your email or phone call, take a look at the following reasons guys give for not dating someone again:

1. Sex

Why doesn't he call after one date? If a guy likes you a lot, he hopes you won't agree to go to bed with him on the first date. He doesn't want to feel you are not discriminating. It isn't flattering. If you are looking for confirmation that you can't trust men, forget your boundaries, appropriateness, and dignity. When you do, the guy will probably forget you. Research shows that the longer a woman waits to have sex with a man, the more he feels committed to her. If you have previously used poor judgment, you don't have to repeat the same behavior. Draw some clear lines for what's acceptable. Then, if he doesn't call, he wasn't that interested in you anyway.

2. Sharing

He doesn't call after one date when you have talked about your past in detail. If you think you told him too much about your personal life...you probably did. Avoid comments like:

"He was the only person I ever loved. And then he left me."

"I've never met a good man. Men always cheat on me."

"I've been dumped too many times by too many guys. It's going to take me a long time to trust a relationship."

This kind of information will drain the enthusiasm out of anyone. They reflect a VICTIM mentality. What do you want your date to do with this information? Feel sorry for you? Take care of you? Protect you? That's not his job. You want to have enough self-esteem to not need pity, enough gumption to take care of yourself, and enough smarts to stay away from bad people. Last of all, this kind of sharing makes you unattractive.

Talk about parts of your past that make you both laugh. For instance, were you ever wired with a button microphone as a speaker, forget that you had it on, and go in to use the restroom? Or did you ever try a new recipe, serve it to guests, and notice they were politely trying to spit it in their napkin and hide it? Or were you walking down the sidewalk to a high school football game, and a bird flew over and dropped something on your head? These are the stories that make you human, and real, and very attractive. And when you laugh, the lights come on.

3. Anger

Why doesn't he call you back? If you have anger towards men, it will show up in your conversations and your actions. Get some counseling to work that out before you deposit it on some unsuspecting guy. If you hear yourself thinking or saying consistently negative things, and you've been told that you have a chip on your shoulder towards men, it's time to assess where you are and where you want to be.

4. Attitude

Why doesn't he call? If your attitude shouts that you think you are better than other people, even though you aren't saying a word, why would anyone want to call? Or, if every day is a bad hair day, or a bad luck day, or a bad people day, how good can someone feel after talking to you? Sometimes we just don't hear ourselves. Finding fault with everything and everyone is what leads to "attitude," when in fact, our upset has nothing to do with what's going on around us. It's what's going on inside of us. Attitude comes from our own sense of not feeling like we are enough.

Most of the reasons he doesn't date you again can be found in the above. You have the power to change all of that. And when you do, your lament won't be, "Why doesn't he call?" It will be, "The phone just doesn't stop ringing!"

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our Free Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer.

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